Dirty Mouths: The Best Trash Talking Heroes
- Posted by Giaco Furino
- On February 11, 2016
- 0 Comments
- archer, deadpool, id4, john carpenter, lost, spiderman, they live, tmnt, will smith
Deadpool’s the kind of hero who says what’s on his mind… even if it’s utterly inappropriate! With the Deadpool movie hitting theaters this Friday, I was inspired to take a look at some of the best trash-talking, wise ass heroes in movies, TV, and comics. Whether they’re talking smack right before they save the day or quibbling with their fellow-heroes, these characters have to have the last word.
Spider-Man
Why is Spider-Man so good at cracking jokes and talking trash when he’s fighting crime? According to his origin story, Spider-Man’s reflexes and Spidey Sense are so strong he, essentially, has extra time on his hands! When your body’s auto-piloting you away from that hail of bullets, you may use that extra mental space to crap your pants or plan your next attack… but not Spider-Man, he’s working on his next stand up routine.
John Nada – They Live
If you’re standing in line at the bank and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes in wearing sunglasses and carrying a shotgun… run. In a movie full of awesome fight scenes, clever premises, and amazing one-liners, the “chew bubblegum” scene trumps anything else the movie serves up and cements John Nada as one of the most badass trash talkers this side of LA.
Captain Steve Hiller – Independence Day
One of the most troubling aspects of the new Independence Day movie coming out this summer is that Will Smith’s Captain Steve Hiller isn’t in the movie! Smith brought Hiller to life as the trash-talking, hotshot fighter pilot who gets tangled up in the quest to save humanity from an alien invasion. In the best scene in the movie, Hiller lays some knowledge down on an enemy alien.
Archer
It’s hard to stay out of the Danger Zone when Archer’s around. The gleefully risque NSFW cartoon on FX stars Sterling Archer as the world’s greatest spy (and biggest a-hole). While it’s a stretch to call him a “hero” he’s certainly one of the biggest trash talkers on this list. From mocking his captors to berating his fellow agents, Archer often writes checks with his mouth he can’t cash… and it always gets him into trouble.
Raphael – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Of all the Ninja Turtles, none are more sarcastic, nasty, biting, and ready to sling a quip than Raphael. On the complete opposite spectrum from his goofy little brother Mikey, Raphael fights with his twin sai and is the most viscious of the group. Even in the original Mirage Comics run he was the harshest, and most likely to lose his temper.
Sawyer – Lost
If you’re still wondering if Sawyer even is a hero… then you quit Lost around season 3 (shame on you). The master of nicknames, Sawyer helped his fellow Losties find shelter, secure passage off the island, and return to save the day (sort of). When I think of the classic trash talking hero, Sawyer’s the first character to come to mind. And besides, who would you rather align yourself with on the island? Jack? Kate? Locke? Are you insane?
Amethyst – Steven Universe
Steven Universe is the Cartoon Network show about Steven Universe and The Crystal Gems, powerful, magical, lady warriors who save the world and raise Steven in their beachside temple. The show is manic, hilarious, and deeply heartfelt, and features one of the best smart alec characters on TV: Amethyst. This purple, whip-weilding Gem is selfish, hot-tempered, and thoroughly awesome. If you’re not watching Steven Universe, catch up with it and see why Amethyst deserves to be on this list.
